Sunday, April 7, 2013

A Close Call!

This whole thing almost ended right after it started.

Due to a personal dilemma today, I almost purged all my femme stuff and said the hell with this entire plan.  I had just returned from the airport and immediately slipped into a piece of lingerie - deciding to start this week off in something silky and sexy.  I had hung some dresses and skirts in my closet and was filling a drawer with pantyhose and stockings and bras and panties, when the anticipation of the occasion - and the excitement in my panties - was to too much to ignore.  Before the flush on my skin subsided and my heartbeat and breathing had even returned to normal, I packed all evidence of Elise into a big bag and tossed it into the back of the closet.

My biggest fear had just come true: the curse of "CD Shame" - the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment when you're dressed enfemme and have an orgasm that you want to immediately remove all trace of your female appearance and return to your "normal" life.  This occurs rather routinely to me, but it's been a long time since it's reached the point where I want to purge all my femme identity. 

Maybe I put too high of an expectation on myself for the week.  Maybe I realized I was never going to be able to spend the entire week as a "real woman" as I had been fantasizing about for so long.  Maybe it was some imagined pressure of having to document every thought and action.  I took a long walk to clear my head and let the feeling pass, I went online and talked with a few friends on Rachel's Haven, and I have decided once again to continue with my plan.  Stay tuned!!

Have you ever felt the "CD shame" or a desire to purge?  How did you deal with it?
Ciao! Elise

4 comments:

  1. I definitely have felt it. I purged a couple times myself. Then, I started treating it like other destructive urges, such as having another drink when you shouldn't or cheating on a diet. I found a distraction. I would say "I'll purge after the dishes are done." or "I'll purge, after I take a shower." By then, the chemicals and emotions re-establish equilibrium and it comes back to normal...

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    1. Thanks for sharing your experiences Ash. I haven't purged too often, but the routine "shame" after an orgasm - wanting an immediate change out of femme appearance followed shortly thereafter by the desire to return to femme - can be maddening. In those cases, I've tried to do what you said - "I'll undress in X minutes", or "after I do something", and usually the need to change has passed.

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  2. Yes, I've felt it. Like sadness, confusion and heartburn, I just wait and it goes away.

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    1. Thankfully for me, it always does go away. And then I feel like I need to make up for lost time and spend as much time as possible enfemme.

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